I Beat People Up In My Sleep

The period when you first start sleeping with someone is a fascinating time in any blossoming relationship, and I'm not talking about just the sex. I'm talking about the actual sleep. The reason being that when you’re sleeping, you have no idea what's going on, and no control over what you’re doing. In some ways, falling asleep beside a person can be an act of greater intimacy and trust than the sex itself.

In my current relationship with Mandi, we are now at the point where we spend two to three nights a week in the same bed. What is it like sleeping with me you ask? Well, according to Mandi, I have a few quirks.

One is that I like run in my sleep, as I will lie flat on my back and vigorously move my legs in a cylindrical motion for ten to twenty minute intervals. If that weren't enough exercise, she has also informed me that I occasionally throw punches while running, some of which have actually hit her in the head and arms. Although I was initially skeptical of this claim, Thursday morning I saw the fresh welts with my own eyes.

While I am sprinting and engaging in nocturnal fisticuffs, Mandi is not exactly lying motionless beside me. She has this habit of turning her body every five minutes, starting on her back, moving to her side, re-positioning to her stomach, before finally returning to her back. The problem is that she frequently takes the covers with her, wrapping them around her body like she was in her own little cocoon. I know this because I frequently wake up freezing in the middle of the night, and will look over to find her in the midst of a rotation, as the blankets that used to be mine tightly coil around her frame.

The two of us sleeping together must be quite a sight, and I've considered shooting a video. It might not be as raunchy as something from the Pam/Tommy Lee or Paris Hilton genre, but it would have all the elements necessary for internet success, including violence, theft, and a hairy, half naked guy running in his sleep.

[Pamela Anderson] [Tommy Lee] [Paris Hilton]