Love Really Does Hurt

Thursday will be the first time this decade that I'm going to be spending Valentine's Day on a date. In previous years, I had been able to insure that I was either not in a relationship, or we happened to be on a "break" when February 14 rolled around. Things are different this year because Mandi, the girl I’m sort of seeing, proved to be a diabolically clever opponent.

Mandi laid the groundwork for her scheme about a month ago, after we had a discussion regarding how I hadn't been to a college basketball game since school. A few days later she called to tell me that she had purchased tickets for us to attend Georgetown vs. Villanova on February 11. When I first heard about the tickets, I was touched, and considered them to be a harmless gift borne out of an agenda free spirit.

Having had a chance to reflect, I now realize that she knew the obligation of the game would keep us together until the middle of February, and that this kind of shared experience, combined with the impending holiday, would prevent even the coldest of hearts from ignoring her on the 14th. In essence, these tickets conferred upon me admission not only to the game, but also to a Valentine's Day where I have to pay for candy, flowers, and dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t have a slogan along the lines of, “eating good in the neighborhood,” which means it will be expensive.

It’s not that I’m unhappy with Mandi; she’s a cool girl and we have a lot of fun together. However, there is a major sexual problem that threatens our relationship. Without getting too graphic, she has informed me that we don’t fit together very well, and she believes that this space issue, combined with my vigorous nature, may have caused her to suffer internal bleeding and bruising.

My reaction to her statement has been twofold. Firstly, I was surprised by her use of the adjective “vigorous” to describe my style, as I had previously heard ladies throw around terms like sweaty, surprising, methodical, and unorthodox, but never vigorous. Secondly, I can now definitively say that while there are many aphrodisiacs in this world, having a girl explain that you are causing her internal bleeding and bruising is not one of them.

In light of these obstacles, I suppose that this Valentine’s Day will be a test to see whether Mandi and I actually have a chance, or if we are simply two different people spending an evening together out of the fear of loneliness and the bonds of social obligation. Either way, due to our physical incongruity, there will likely be no sex at the end of the night, and if that’s the case, maybe we’ll wind up at Applebee’s after all.


[Love Hurts] [Internal Bleeding] [Valentine's Day] [Applebee's] [Villanova University] [Georgetown University]