2007's Sexiest Men Alive?

Its that time of year friends. There's a chill in the air, and we're coming to the end of the calendar, which can only mean one thing: People magazine is going to unveil it's list of the Sexiest Men Alive. Not to give too much away, but the winner this year was not me. I finished fourth, sandwiched in between Brad Pitt and George Clooney. For the record, lets all agree never to use me, Pitt, Clooney, and the word sandwich in the same sentence again.

The actual winner this year was Matt Damon of Good Will Hunting and Bourne Identity fame. Apparently the criteria for the folks over at People includes mediocre acting and spending an entire film crazy glued to Greg Kinnear. Alright, enough hating on Matt Damon and his fraudulent victory. Its important to remember that I'm just entering the peak years of my loiny goodness, and besides, there's plenty of opportunities for all us young bucks in Hollywood to be bitten by the bloated, Lyme disease inducing tick that is pointless list making.

With that in mind, I'm composing my own list this year and its called 2007's Sexiest Men Alive? These scientifically proven rankings count down all those men we thought were dead but somehow aren't.



1). Carrot Top-I know he's still around. Maybe its just wishful thinking.

2). Keanu Reeves-No doubt exhausted from his research for the Matrix films, he's probably sitting on a beach somewhere making the Keanu face, a potent glare that melds total confusion, sheer wonder, and a self-assured smile into a look that suits every role.

3). John Stamos-I originally wrote that outside of Full House re-runs nobody has seen him in years. It was later pointed out to me that he is currently featured on what must be the 30th season of ER. I stand by my earlier statement.

4). Matt Le Blanc-Just the mention of his name makes me nostalgic for David Schwimmer and that monkey. I hear the monkey is now doing porn in South America. Sadly, the way his career is going, Le Blanc may not be far behind.

5). Tom Green-The Canadian funny man once famous for showing his bum and sucking on cow utters now has his own internet show, joining the likes of Lonely Girl and Muscle Beach. That's creative, an internet show is so 2006, why don't you just be really old-fashioned and start a blog...oh.


[Sexiest Man Alive] [Tom Green] [Matt Damon] [David Schwimmer] [Matt Le Blanc] [George Clooney] [Brad Pitt] [John Stamos] [Carrot Top] [Keanu Reeves]