No IPOD: Am I Weird?

So I'm going to confess once and for all that I do not own an IPOD. That's right, no Shuffles, Touches, Nanos, MP3 players, or Minis, in any of the various colors, shapes, and sizes available. If you don't believe me, you can search my apartment, and even go into my closet, where you'll find no IPOD related undergarments, such as the IPOD boxer shorts or the new IPOP bra (link below).

http://www.pocket lint.co.uk/news/news.phtml/2964/3988/ipod-accessories-iron-ibra gadgets.phtml

How do I play mp3s when I'm at the gym or walking outside? I don't, I actually listen to what's going on around me, which can be beneficial. For example, if a car is coming straight at me while frantically honking its horn, I will hear it and move, whereas my hip friend entranced by the beats emanating from his 15GB Nano will not. Perhaps this is modern evolution via technology. Take that Galapagos turtles.

While we're on the subject of technology, I might as well also admit that I do not own a TIVO, a video game player, anything hi-def, a blue tooth, a flat screen TV, premium movie channels, Wi-Fi, a BlackBerry, a satellite dish, a home computer, or most of the other modern marvels that people claim they can't live without. My cell phone does not flip, nor does it feature a camera with any megapixels to speak of. I do have a DVD player, but it is of such low quality that I have seen better in the shopping cart of the local homeless man whom I pass every morning at the bus stop.

I have been informed by my new blogging friends that many of you reading this admission will find my circumstances quite strange, particularly since most in the blogger community are quite savvy when it comes to the latest gadgets. While I understand your amazement, from my perspective, waiting in line for the privilege of being among the first to plop down $400 for an IPhone, or spending all day at the Apple Store salivating over the selection of products would feel equally weird.

Basically, I've gotten along okay for 30 years being firmly entrenched behind the technology curve, and I don't see myself changing any time soon. Of course, if somebody ever buys me a pair of IPOD boxers, then perhaps I'll have to make an exception.

[IPOD] [Galapagos Turtle] [BlackBery]

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Addicted to Blogging

It started for me with a post on an early Tuesday morning. It was 2am, and I was exhausted, physically and mentally, as my head occasionally fell to the carpet, and my eyes strained to read an entire sentence. I knew I should be sleeping, not sprawled out in front of a computer screen in the middle of the living room, but I didn't give a shit. I had to finish. Finally close to satisfied, I pressed the publish button around 3:30am, and the exhilaration of seeing my article appear washed away the fatigue and left me with a sense of relief.

In the months since that initial post I've added numerous more. Any time I go beyond a day without writing I can actually feel myself weighed down by all the frustrated thoughts demanding to be expressed. And now that I've discovered blog layouts, color schemes, templates, and the host of nifty buttons available, its become even worse, because when I'm not writing I can still spend five hours searching the web for how to set up an RSS feed (If anyone has an idea please let me know).

So looking at the evidence, my conclusion is that I'm addicted to blogging, which is an odd thing for me to say because I'm not sure I've ever been addicted to anything, and believe me, I've tried. I don't think its to the point where the mental hospital will tie me up in a straight jacket, place that Hannibal Lecter contraption over my face, and have two staff members throw me into a rubber room with a couple CCs of sedatives coursing through my bloodstream for good measure, however, if I were forced to spend a couple days without being able as to so much catch a glimpse of my blog, I might be severely agitated.

It would be great if there were a nicer way of phrasing my fondness for blogging. I could suggest that I have a blog fetish, but to me, the term fetish always conjures images of whips and paddles and tall Nordic women snapping on latex gloves so that they can best punish you for being naughty. Something along the lines of blog obsession doesn't seem awful at first glance, but then I think about those cheesy black and white perfume ads where shirtless models on horses just whisper obsession incessantly to one another as they gallop across the countryside en route to nowhere. Other possibilities also fall flat; blog mania sounds like I'm going to don spandex and wrestle my blog, while blog infatuation creates the impression that I might sheepishly ask my blog if it will accompany me to the springtime formal.

I guess that after further review, blog addict might be the best term of the lot, and thus I will answer to it proudly. All that I ask is somebody give me notice prior to any sort of intervention; if I'm going to be busy for a few hours, I'd like to be able to get in a little blogging first.

[Addict] [Fetish] [Hannibal Lecter] [Mental Hospital] [Obsession] [Intervention]

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Making Friends on the Internet

This a transcript from a brief online chat I had on Friday afternoon with a 34 year old Malaysian blogger inviting me to be his "friend" on Technorati.

START
Him: Hello
Me: Hey
Him: Do you have big peni?
Me: What?
Him: Do you hae big peni?
Me: Are you asking me if I have a big penis?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Dude, that is sick.
Him: No?
Me: Well, yes.
Him: So you have big peni.
Me: Listen, I'm not into that.
Him: We be friends.
Me: Uh, no.
Him: We be good friends no?
Me: No.
Him: Yes?
Me: No. I have to go.
Him: Chat later big peni?
Me: Never!
END

I think the best part of this conversation is that even though I was not down with this guy's indecent proposal, I still had to make sure he knew that my equipment is substantial. This will no doubt go a long way towards enhancing my rep in the notoriously fickle Malaysian gay community. And just in case there was any suspense, I ultimately declined his friend request. We haven't spoken since.

[Technorati] [Malaysia]

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Another Sign of the Apocalypse

Thumbelina, billed the world's smallest horse, is the size of a cocker spaniel, and is touring the country to cheer up sick kids. If I were a sick kid, and got plopped down in front of Thumbelina, I might suggest to her owner that instead of spending all day playing Darwin and creating unbelievably small horses maybe she could instead pour her time and money into other scientific pursuits, like fighting cancer or AIDs. I mean, its great we can create really tiny horses, it is, but it just seems to me that mini-horse people could help sick kids more with something along the lines of a cure for cancer. Besides, at this rate, in ten years the tiniest horse will be microspic and little Johnny will have to wheel himself over to a microsope so he can see Thumbelina X licking herself in a petrie dish.

Just a thought.

[Horse] [Thumbelina] [Darwin]

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