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I admit it; I have been sucked in by the drama surrounding Britney Spears. For me, it all started with her performance at the MTV Awards, where she stumbled around the stage bloated and half-naked as backup dancers tried to look sexy while avoiding the aroma of her vodka scented lip syncing. Throw in the head shaving, parental neglect, and outright abandonment of panties, and it is easy to see why she has become like that giant overturned tractor trailer engulfed in flames on the side of the turnpike that is impossible to ignore. And just when you thought the situation had deteriorated so far that she was beyond help, here comes fifty gallons of pure, unfiltered Texas crude oil to be poured onto the fire, in the form of none other than TV's favorite crank doctor, Dr. Phil McGraw. You see, Oprah's most loyal whipping boy (sorry Steadman) couldn't bear to stand on the sidelines and watch Britney's demise from afar. No, Dr. Phil saw in her pain, confusion, and of course, ratings!
So naturally Dr. Phil did what any reasonable medical professional would, he decided to pay an unsolicited visit to Britney in person so that he could become part of her problem. It's almost as if he's saying, "You think things are bad now with the paparazzi chasing you, wait until you have a fat, bald TV psychologist following you to your car." The best part is that Dr. Phil then planned a television special highlighting Spears' mental illness, because what she so desperately needs at this critical time in her life is more media attention and scrutiny. Dr. Phil later decided to cancel the program out of concern that the situation was "too intense," as such a classy move clearly illustrates why his morals supersede those of other talk show luminaries like Maury Povich and Jerry Springer, who no doubt would've aired the special and basked in the controversy.
Since Britney wasn't thrilled with the intervention, it seems that the relationship between her and Dr. Phil is on hold for now, but this is probably subject to change since decision making has never been Britney's strength, regardless of whether the topic is husbands, child safety seats, or hair styles. However, in the interim, maybe the good doctor could swing by and start working with Britney's 16 year old sister and Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn, who recently announced she was pregnant. Think about the possibilities of a Dr. Phil teenage baby love triangle. Yes, chaste Jamie Lynn claims the father is her 19 year old child molester boyfriend, but I'll reserve my doubts until we see if that baby comes out pedaling self help books in a Texas twang.
I think the moral of this whole Dr. Phil/Spears saga is that celebrities, no mater how messed up they are, are still real people with real problems, who should get help from real doctors. And if they can't get her a real doctor, getting her some real panties would be a good first step.
[Britney Spears] [Dr. Phil] [Jamie Lynn Spears] [MTV]
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