Movie Review: Juno

Ratings (2 1/2 out of 4 ):

The other night I caught the flick Juno at the Georgetown AMC 14. I had heard positive reviews, so the bar was set pretty high. Expectations only grew when I learned the film's scribe was a former stripper and blogger by the name of Diablo Cody. I've already got the blog going, so maybe I need to dust off my thong and get a respectable Brazilian wax if I'm ever going to make it as a writer in Hollywood.

My company for the evening was Mandi, a 29 year old artist from Virginia who dreams of someday getting a large, green nose piercing. This being our third date, I was expecting some play, so I apologize for being occasionally distracted. I actually like Mandi, and she's the first girl I've dug in a while. I'm not sure how she feels about me, as her only comments on the subject thus far are that I "make her nervous." When I inquired as to whether this was "good nervous" or "bad nervous," she was unable to answer.

For my reviews, I'm not going to waste time regurgitating the plot; you can find that elsewhere. Instead, I will recount my thoughts exactly as I had them throughout the film.

7:55: We arrive during a preview for PS I Love You starring Hillary Swank and the guy who played Spartan King Leonidas in the fabulous movie 300. Only the power of Hillary Swank could transform the formerly mighty Leonidas into another whipped Scotsman delivering kisses and sage lessons on lost love from beyond the grave.

8:05: The actress Ellen Page, who plays the title character, is pretty cute, but I'm not sure I'd hit it if she were pregnant. She also talks a lot, dishing out snappy one liners chalked full of crunchy, retro slang at a somewhat irritating clip.

8:15: A cameo from Dwight of The Office, sans glasses and pocket protector.

8:25: I begin peering over at Mandi to my right, and I think she wants it. I'm going to put my hand on her knee. Sweet.

8:40: Actor Michael Cera is entirely unbelievable playing the love interest of anyone, much less Juno. He plays the same fucking character in every film. I'm sure it pays well, but my God, show a little range.

8:55: Jennifer Garner looks really serious. I prefer her work in the highly underrated Dude Where's My Car?

9:05: What deal did Jason Bateman make with the devil to be in all these movies after being MIA for over a decade? And how long can it be before we're inundated with a barrage of Justine Bateman flicks?

9:10: Jason Bateman has sexual tension and light petting with jail bait Juno. I'm waiting for a perturbed Chris Hansen from the To Catch A Predator series to barge into the room and ask Jason what exactly he was thinking.

9:20: Juno is very fat, and in labor, but I stand corrected, I'd still hit it. Speaking of that, Mandi is so turned on, she's practically going to attack me as we leave the theatre.

9:30: Surprise ending. Can't say I expected that. Lets get out of here.

Overall, I felt Juno was good, yet far from great. There were some really fine performances turned in, particularly by Page, as well as JK Simmons and Allison Janney, who play Juno's shell shocked Dad and supportive step Mom. I also enjoyed the mounting tension and awkwardness that envelopes the film and only grows with Juno's expanding belly. However, to call this movie great speaks more to the homogenous nature of today's cinema than to anything special about this film. A lot of the time I just felt like it was trying too hard to be witty, when being simple and genuine would have sufficed. But perhaps we're all guilty of that sometimes.

As for Mandi and I, it turns out my premonition that she wanted to jump my bones was slightly off base. In fact, we had a discussion where she explained that she really wanted to wait until a serious relationship before getting too sexual. I told her that I respect her decision, which I do, however, there is another part of me that feels deeply hurt and rejected by this. I guess in my mind the idea that she is so willing to wait suggests a serious lack of passion and creates an air of everything being almost contrived. Planning is great for work, or a home equity loan, but to me, if your really into someone you shouldn't be able to hold back, even if it goes against your better judgment.

So I guess I'll have to keep you updated on what happens with Mandi. As I reflect upon our relationship, and the relationships I've had over the years, I think Juno's Dad Mac sums it all up pretty well:

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think that the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with."

[Diablo Cody] [Juno] [Ellen Page] [Michael Cera] [Stripper] [JK Simmons] [Jason Bateman] [Justine Bateman] [Movie Review] [Hillary Swank] [Chris Hansen] [Allison Janney] [PS I Love You]