How Do You Help An Alcoholic Friend?

One of my best friends in recent years is a guy we’ll call Dan. Dan is an alcoholic. We met, of course, at a bar, where we were both trying to gain the attention of the same girl. I tried to engage her by asking if she had any interest in books, while Dan, staying true to his indomitable style, asked if she had any interest in sex. Shockingly, neither of us got the girl, but Dan and I hit it off and wound up exchanging numbers.

I’ve now known Dan for three years, and learned that he is actually two very different people. Sober Dan is quiet, contemplative, and regularly goes out of his way to help others. He enjoys watching Animal Planet on TV and working at his pizza shop. Drunk Dan is boisterous, rash, and crude beyond all belief. He enjoys alcohol, women, and more alcohol. These personalities are so different it’s hard to fathom that ten Bud Lights are all that separates them.

In spite of this contradiction, I’ve seen the transformation happen a lot, as Dan and I go out to bars once or twice a week. On those nights, Dan will be drinking when I arrive at his apartment, and he will also drink in my car on the way to the venue. In fact, like a cagey squirrel, Dan has mastered the art of hiding beer in my car, as I have discovered bottles in the trunk, under the seat, and, my personal favorite, in the glove compartment where I keep my license and registration.

Dan’s roommate, John, is also a lush, and at 3am they will frequently start wrestling, demand Taco Bell, or both. For example, last week they were able to order without incident, but at the pickup window John put Dan in what he called a “rear naked choke.” Dan responded by getting out of the car and challenging John. John’s response was to charge Dan, knocking him into the bushes where they would spend the next twenty minutes grappling. Unfortunately, I didn’t have money to pay for their Cheesy Beefy Melts, and the ten cars behind me started honking, while I did the best I could to avoid the glare of the drive-through cashier, a young, cross-eyed Asian guy, who probably thought earlier in the day that life couldn’t get any worse.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about Dan’s drinking, my role as an enabler, and what, if anything, I can do to help him quit. Having raised the subject of alcoholism to him before on numerous occasions, I know that when confronted Dan will acknowledge he has a problem, tell me “I’m ten years too late,” and then quickly change the subject. I’ve considered not driving Dan to the bar anymore, however I fear he will attempt to drive himself, or turn to John, who is no better an option.

So that’s where the situation currently stands. If anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated, since I have no experience dealing with alcoholism and am completely out of ideas. Until then, I don’t see anything changing, and Dan’s steady deterioration will continue.

[Alcoholism] [Taco Bell] [Animal Planet]