Lately I've been talking with some of my single female friends and I've noticed a disturbing trend among them. The first commonality is they won't have sex with me, which is why we're friends who actually talk, as opposed to friends who say nothing beyond guttural moans and drunken phone calls. The second, and slightly less important topic upon which they agree is that they are all looking for a guy who is a "challenge." Then they will turn to me and ask whether I'm looking for a girl who is a "challenge," to which I reply "hell no."
If I wanted a major challenge, I'd go climb Mt. Everest after running the New York marathon with a Sherpa on my back the whole time, not decide to start dating someone. Maybe it's me, but I think life should be challenging enough if you're doing it right, and why in the world would I want the person I'm dating to make it harder instead of easier? And this idea goes to the fact that I believe my friends, along with many others, are overlooking the inherent difficulties that make life a struggle. If you want to find a real challenge, check out a homeless person on the way to work, or ponder how pretty much everything created by man is poisoning our atmosphere.
For my friends, I think their problems began when they bought into the whole work hard/play hard mentality that has become the omnipresent mantra in overachieving yuppies of a certain age. Sure, I can see the value of the work hard thing, and, even though I don't practice it, how that might benefit a person professionally. However, when it comes to playing hard, there couldn't be a bigger oxy moron going. Play shouldn't be hard, it should, dare I say, be relaxing, joyous, and if its not, then it's not play but more like work. I think my friends and those like them have taken this philosophy to its logical extreme and applied it to their relationship lives as well. For you see, it can't be enough to enjoy someone's company and simply savor the moment, but they want this guy to be a challenge, just like they expect from their work and play. The expression should now be: Work hard, play hard, date hard.
The downside is of course that at some point no challenge is enough. People of this ilk switch jobs and hobbies always looking for the bigger test, and they tend to switch partners just as frequently, all the while complaining about how they got bored. So it seems to me that the answer my friends need is to stop looking for someone who "challenges" them and to start looking for someone who "compliments" them. Someone who might not be the walking equivalent of a half finished rubiks cube, but who holds them when they've had a bad day or eats the onions they take off their burger. They also need more friends with benefits, particularly a guy they already know and who is good at keeping a secret. I'm not sure if my friends are going to take any of my advice, but they would be a lot happier if they did.
If I wanted a major challenge, I'd go climb Mt. Everest after running the New York marathon with a Sherpa on my back the whole time, not decide to start dating someone. Maybe it's me, but I think life should be challenging enough if you're doing it right, and why in the world would I want the person I'm dating to make it harder instead of easier? And this idea goes to the fact that I believe my friends, along with many others, are overlooking the inherent difficulties that make life a struggle. If you want to find a real challenge, check out a homeless person on the way to work, or ponder how pretty much everything created by man is poisoning our atmosphere.
For my friends, I think their problems began when they bought into the whole work hard/play hard mentality that has become the omnipresent mantra in overachieving yuppies of a certain age. Sure, I can see the value of the work hard thing, and, even though I don't practice it, how that might benefit a person professionally. However, when it comes to playing hard, there couldn't be a bigger oxy moron going. Play shouldn't be hard, it should, dare I say, be relaxing, joyous, and if its not, then it's not play but more like work. I think my friends and those like them have taken this philosophy to its logical extreme and applied it to their relationship lives as well. For you see, it can't be enough to enjoy someone's company and simply savor the moment, but they want this guy to be a challenge, just like they expect from their work and play. The expression should now be: Work hard, play hard, date hard.
The downside is of course that at some point no challenge is enough. People of this ilk switch jobs and hobbies always looking for the bigger test, and they tend to switch partners just as frequently, all the while complaining about how they got bored. So it seems to me that the answer my friends need is to stop looking for someone who "challenges" them and to start looking for someone who "compliments" them. Someone who might not be the walking equivalent of a half finished rubiks cube, but who holds them when they've had a bad day or eats the onions they take off their burger. They also need more friends with benefits, particularly a guy they already know and who is good at keeping a secret. I'm not sure if my friends are going to take any of my advice, but they would be a lot happier if they did.
[Challenge] [Mt. Everest] [Female Friends] [Girls]
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